I am a 30 year old female from Delhi who married a inter caste guy 7 yrs ago against the wishes of both our parents and in laws. It was a love marriage and at that time it felt that we both need each other and no one else. Everything happened nicely and with the time passing by my parents adored my husband like anything and my entire family praised him like anything. Reason being he is also so caring, soft spoken, open minded and most of all non-interfering. Everything was going fine for starting years. After 2 yrs of our marriage we started to plan out the family but unfortunately, i was not able to conceive though, all me and my husband reports were normal. Many a times we went for certain treatments but left the same in between due to shortage of time since we both are working and in today’s time dealing with doctors require lots of patience. My husband has always being very supportive but i was the one who was getting very desperate for the baby.
Day and night this thing was on my mind but i never got a hint that how and when due to my behavior my husband has started feeling very irritated. I was feeling a little change in his behavior since last 2 years but never gave much of attention. Soon our temporary fights starts extending to a day or two. Strangest thing happened when he didn’t wish me on my birthday and very casually said that he does not believe in formalities. Just 2 days later i.e. on 15th November when i was in my office i received a message from him stating that he is in love with one of his colleagues and that is the reason he is unable to reciprocate his feelings towards me. I didn’t know what to do after reading that since i became numb and my mind stopped working. I came home in half day and waited for him to come back since he was not taking my calls. Finally around 4 pm he came back, didn’t utter a word and slept, no explanations, no discussions, nothing. To be very honest i thought that he has played some kind of prank on me since i trusted him blindly but my trust was shattered into pieces when he made me talked to that girl who admitted that all this is truth.
I was totally in a shocked state but i loved him like anything and thought to give up everything for his happiness. I decided to get separated in case if she is ready to marry him but to our utter surprise, she rejected the proposal and said that she is not happy with him. There i felt Baba’s presence so as in “if he has broken my trust, his trust was also betrayed”. On that say he promised that he will never go back to her but that was a lie. She has done so just because of her parent’s pressure. Thereafter i got to know that they are in a relationship, exchanging phone calls, mails, messages are being exchanged every day. I still lived in a hope that my patience will pay me and he will come back to me. Moment things seem to get better, in the next few days it was getting worse. I was simply helpless since he was one person whom i loved him a lot and could not even think of living without him. I thought it is better to give up my life rather than getting tortured every moment.
One day while returning home i thought to buy sleeping pills and attempting suicide, it was raining very heavily and i stopped at 2-3 chemist shops but didn’t succeeded since now a day’s chemist does not handover any medicine without prescription. I came back home in a dilemma thinking what needs to be done now. Suddenly i remembered that i had some anti depressant medicines kept with me. I immediately consumed the entire bottle (homeopathic) and just lied down for a sleep. My husband was also there in the room itself but didn’t react. After an hour or so when i didn’t responded he tried to wake me up to check whether i am alright. At that time i thought he shown a bit of concern but don’t know whether it was genuine or just a formality. Present also we are living together on a single room, go out for movie, lunch dinner shopping etc together but like 2 colleagues and relationship and bonding of husband and wife has ended. I also know that he is physically present with me but mentally he keeps missing his girl friend but he never admits the same and every time says that he has left everything.
Whenever i try to trust him something or other opens up my eyes that he is still cheating on me. I want Sai Baba to protect me and guide me like His daughter so that i can overcome this tough phase of life. I want me to please let me know that whether things will fall back to the pieces once again and whether he will ever come back to me again or i should leave him alone and focus on my own life. I always speak to Sai Baba day and night to give me strength to fight all the odds and also to give peace of mind and self realization to both my hubby and his girl friend so that they realise that what they are doing is not correct. Please Baba help me. I have faith in You and You know what is the time for everything, but since yesterday i am getting a feel that my trust and patience in Baba is somewhat broken and i do not want that. Hence i wanted to share my feelings in this blog so that i can get Sai Baba’s advice in form of His devotee’s. My request is to please pray for me that i should get back my love in this life only and my faith in Baba should never end. Love You and trust You Baba. Meri Dor Aapke Haath Mein Hai. Om Sai Ram