I am 30 years old, currently in Singapore. I have had many mental sufferings, due to my family. Iprayed to Baba to heal me emotionally and to relieve me of my burden. I am happy and peaceful now, and now focusing on my career. After failing for 2 years in preparing for IAS exam, I found the path for success through Sai. I am glad that Baba is with me in realising my dream. It was the most traumatic period of my life, but I have the courage with His grace to start all over again.
I am a mother of 4 years daughter. I have a loving husband and a wonderful daughter with the grace of Baba. But I had lot of issues in my family and career. The pain gets more, when those, who have caused me so much mental pain and suffering to my family as Sai followers themselves. I couldn’t understand how a person, who worships Sai, could be so demonic inside. But I realised that there are corrupt devotees too, who only seek God for wanting worldly pleasures. My mother in law is a Sai devotee, but she was the most inhuman and cruel to me. Her behaviour at home was destroying the peace. In spite of have everything; I felt my soul always incomplete, because of the lack of peace at home. I yearned for a feeling that would be so blissful. I searched for happiness and peace in friends, family, and relationship. Even motherhood did not give me the bliss I wanted. But I am experiencing it now, with the grace of Sai.
For the past one week, I have experienced several spiritual signs and miracles. After years of suffering and holding on to family bonds, I finally found peace in Sai. I started preparing for IAS exam in May 2011. My family was not supportive wholeheartedly in my IAS preparation. Though I tried very hard and did everything to study and manage my family, I couldn’t be successful in 2012 and in 2013 I did not take the exam. I looked everywhere and expected support from everyone to cooperate for my studies, except God. For months, I struggled with myself and bore the mental anguish and pain. I finally see the bigger picture God has planned for me. I failed to take Shirdi Sai’s blessings before I commenced my IAS preparation. But I now start it again with all my new vigour and full faith in Him.
Though God helped me many times too, I was not serious and also stayed away from my goal. Repeatedly, God was giving me several signs that this is my purpose of my life. I gave importance to lot of petty issues and suffered. My cause of failure was my nature itself. Being over compassionate and caring, I derailed from my purpose. I was there for everyone in family, but during my crisis, I was left alone. In loneliness, I found only God beside me. I still wonder if being loving and compassionate is harmful, but I have realised that beyond a limit it gets exploited. Compassion, money or love must never be given in excess to anyone.
Now I am close to God than anyone. I have realised that I have everything for my studies, but without His blessings I cannot do it. He never left me anytime. I have been a Sai devotee from 15 years, but never had a personal connection with Him. I am experiencing the connection now and I am really very very pleased. I had a lot of pain in me that I couldn’t take up earlier attempts, but now I am glad because I wouldn’t have enjoyed the success if I never had the grace of God. But He revealed to me the purpose and how I should perform it. He guided me through a wonderful person and I thank Him with all my heart for it.
I take that all the suffering was my past bad karma. I cannot change what I do not know, but even if there are obstacles I believe that I will have the mental strength to tackle them, which I lacked earlier as I neglected Sai. He is the most merciful and loving person I have known. I have given so much love and affection to my family, but all I got was insults and humiliation. I prayed with all my heart to relieve me of this emotional pain. Now I have a very light heart. I do feel upset at times, but I have the courage to carry on my purpose. I couldn’t focus on my purpose with so much emotional pain and hurt in my heart.
God is relieving me slowly. By chanting His name, I am seeing a lot of change in myself. I am even spreading so much love, tolerance and peace at home. It’s true as He quotes that if there is peace in heart, there will be peace in home, and this will lead to harmony in nation.
It’s only been 10 days that I have wholeheartedly felt Him, but at the same time I feel bad for not realising His love earlier. If I had experienced it earlier, I could have been a much better person and would have been in a wonderful position by now. But I trust Sai. My spiritual instincts say that it’s all about timing. God wanted me to realise it at this phase of my life, which is not too late too. I am great full to God that He has revealed to me through my sufferings the real picture of those for whom I cared a lot. I do not hate anyone. I only pray that I don’t want to go through the pain of being associated with them. I don’t want any bad to happen to anyone. He has replaced my anger with sympathy for them. He has also shown me the way to progress in my purpose.
Today I started my 9 Thursday Sai Vrat. I will keep doing the 9 Thursday Vrat till I get into civil services. I want to become an IPS officer and serve the society, for God. I want to take care of poor and vulnerable children and women. For those, who need hope in life, I want God to use me to give them a hope in life. I believe that am living only for this purpose. Om Sai Ram.