Namaste Sai Devotees,
Om Sai Ram. I and my boyfriend were in a relationship from past 2 years. Infect he was the first who proposed me. And used to encourage me a lot. I was different from normal gals. I was not speaking to any guys. As my education was much more important to me. As from the family from where do I come, education to a gal was considered as a taboo. Because of all these problems I never wanted to divert my attention from studies. But one this particular guy was encouraging me for everything. He was very good at impressing anyone. I don’t know why he chose me ?. I was not so much beautiful also. I never had confidence even to speak to lecturers or any classmates in my class. Rarely I was speaking to any of my classmate, he entered into my life as a friend and one fine day he proposed me, I didn’t accepted his love. But later with his sincerity I was very much impressed and I too started loving him. I never had confidence even about his love, but slowly he changed my mind. He had too much of confidence that he could convince his parents. And I believed in his words. He used to call me even in night. And I cleared my post graduation. But due to some reasons he was lagging behind. And I tried my level best to convince him to clear his subjects. But he was totally disturbed and he was taking many excuses that he is not feeling well and all. And in the mean time he got addicted to some movies.
So I wanted to get him out of that. I wanted to help him, and he used me. I thought that any way he has promised me that he will marry me. So I did not felt it as a mistake. But after few months he told me that he cannot marry me and all and so forget him and all that stuff. For that he is telling that he had confidence before now he doesn’t have confidence so he cannot marry me it seems. I consider it as a bad karma marrying other guy after losing virginity to some other.
Initially I thought that I could forget him. But later I could not control my emotions. I had all kind of mixed feelings like love, betrayal, karma and all. I was very much depressed. Previously I was getting many proposals, as I was open minded person. I never tried to hide from anyone that’s my nature. So I used to tell this to him. He used to get mad at me for the proposals..
So i had argument with my parents for the sake of him that I don’t like any marriage proposals. Many times before he used to call me in the night and mom used to scream me. I used to do argument with my mom for him. I have even payed many bills of him once I got the Job and all my college friends and my colleagues also know about us. Everyone were jealous of us during those times. As we were always enjoying our life.
And now he has left me. And the reason for this is his parents. His parents are of lower caste and my family is of higher caste. I was working when he decided to break up with me. I could not concentrate on my job and I left the job. After leaving the job. I was angry at him. Hence I told everything to my mom. My mom scolded me initially. But I did not want to lose him and hence I started to do hunger strike at my home .and decided that I don’t have food till his parents would accept for our marriage. I was waiting for his parents to come for 2 weeks. I was suffering during that period. I lost all my patience. And took my mom to his home town, to speak to his parents…his dad, mom, cousin sister abused me with all vulgar words. They even slapped me and my guy also told many lies.
He is telling that I have used him it seems for my problems. I just shared my problems never compelled him to help me. Even he has shared his problems. He is expecting my death news now. He has become so much selfish now. He told he loves his parents a lot. But he made promise on his parents that there is no physical relationship between me and him. Even his brother has seen me coming out of his house, his mom also suspects that there is a relationship between me and him. He made promise on them without thinking that his parents would die if that promise was false. I don’t know how my guy had gone for such an extent.
His dad told that he would kill me and my mom. But I still love him and waiting for him to get married.
I have lost hope in everyone. I prayed to my Sai Baba and I am daily doing Sai Japa daily. I visited Kali and even Shiva temple and did Somawar Vrat . So that I can get him back…
I cannot forget him and marry other guy. He has photos of mine and together photos in soft as well as hard copy. Mom asked about those photos they told that they will courier those hard copy photos and they it after 30 days. But in his system he had soft copy, they lied that they have deleted but I had belief they would not have deleted. And hence my mom went to their house alone this time.
His brothers and his dad planned to beat my mom to death. And they were planning to kill my mom and me through some people. I never thought to kill any person in my life. I don’t know why I am facing so many problems in my life.
I was very much shy type of gal and if anyone was scolding me I was bearing it. I never thought my enemy to die also. But why I am facing this situation in my life. Why god don’t punish these people. Why he gives problems for innocents like me.
I pray to Sai Baba god. He always helps everyone. Why he is not helping me ?. My guy was encouraging me in every step of my life and he wanted my confidence to be improved in the past. How my guy changed so much. Today he is scolding me with all vulgar words. In my entire life no one insulted me this much. I am praying to goddess Kali. Kali should punish his family. I am from middle class family. And I never had big dreams. I was dreaming only to become an engineer and to get a job in good company. And my family people were orthodox. So they were never encouraging me for studies or anything. And now I could get job I am facing this problem in my life. I can’t even discuss this problem with my friends. I am still loving him and waiting for him to come back and marry me.
My guy parents don’t have girl child in their family, they are rich and powerful as his dad is a government employee. And his brothers all are engineers and hence with their power their ego has grown to such an extent that they have scolded my mom and me in vulgar words, and are planning to kill us. As my dad is not powerful and we don’t have anyone’s support in our family. Now I am not able to concentrate for any interviews. After that heated argument in their home town I thought of killing myself, so that at least my soul can be with him in his house.
As I believe if anyone commits suicide then their soul will be on this Earth till their wish gets fulfilled. At least I can’t live with him but my soul can be with him. I had been to many astrologers everyone are telling that this guy is a cheater. I am in dilemma whether to weep and be quiet or to curse him or to commit suicide or to go any pilgrimage center and be there itself throughout my life doing work like in Tirupathi. I am daily weeping in sai baba temple.
Daily I am searching in net about life after death. And where my soul goes when once I die. What are problems that a soul will face after death. And where would be next incarnation. As I am scared of ghosts, sometimes I get scared what if someone arrests my soul and my death for my guy would be wasted. I have been depressed this much. And searching for light that I may get any solution from any one. I have given up my problems to Sai. If Sai feels I deserve him then surely my guy would come back to me, or else I never get him in this life. This letter should be lesson to all the middle class girls never ever believe any guy, however good he behaves. You never have experience what is going in his mind. Whatever may be the situation whether your parents supports or does not support you. Be strong, never ever be emotional to any guy, he will start using you, by showing sympathy. Always pray to Sai. He is the only one who can clear all our previous karma and show us right path. And discuss your problems only with the Sai. Never lose hope in sai.
Now I have reached to an extent that I started hating all the guys and all middle aged people like my guys father. But its my karma. Something bad I would have done in my previous Janma, so I am facing this in my life. I am thankful to Sai. At least now I got belief in Sai. As previously I never had belief in any god. I had belief in destiny. And I was believing that someones bad karma is so much that any god cannot help to fulfill my wishes. But Now Sai has helped me in my previous problems. Let’s see what is Sai desire this time in my problem.
I am sorry if I have used inappropriate words and have hurt any ones feelings….